You know what I really hate? I mean, what I utterly detest? What I hate more than people who don’t indicate and even more fat girls who wear leggings? I’ll tell you: I hate, with a fiery tenacity only surpassed by my very will to live, the television adverts for confused.com. There’s something very specific in these adverts that make me want to garrotte the degenerate whose feverish mind spawned it, the creative team that, I expect, clambered round making flow charts about how much of a great idea it was, the management team that even authorised it, the animation team that lowered themselves to draw it, the consumer groups that didn’t say the ad was utter crap and, in fact, even myself for having had to suffer through it.
Why the hell, no in fact, why the fucking fuck have these cartoon women got tits? Not just immobile tits either, why do they have flobbery, jigging, braless tits? Why, when this was being animated, did someone say “no, we’ve got all this eye-gouging jollity and singing and fucking grinning but you know what this needs more of…y’know what’ll sell CAR INSURANCE to man, woman and fucking child…cartoon jiggly tits!”.
I wanted to find you evidence of the confused.com depraved cartoon jiggle tit but even finding these mere scraps infuriated me. Just watch the ads on youtube and heave your half-digested lunch all over yourself.
Remember when the confused.com mascot was this? That little doodle might not even be female let alone need a more supportive bra. “New improved” confused.com girl is lying there with ten strands of hair for god’s sake, why give her expertly curved norks? I mean when you’ve gone to the effort of not only giving a glorified stick person bountiful tits but also animating them with every childish burst of movement, I can only assume that the fact she’s only got ten strands of hair means she’s got alopecia. She doesn’t even have a friggin’ nose! Get your priorities right you dick brained perverts.
I just think it’s twatty and unnecessary. I mean, what do they think: the only people that buy car insurance are the readers of Nuts magazine? I do not need my already shit television life intruded by primary coloured mammory glands as bouncy as space hoppers trying to sell me a product I only need once a year. Just fuck off for fuck’s sake.