There was some silly article in the Daily Mail a little while ago about the way men wanted their wives to dress. It showed pictures of women looking relatively normal but a bit scruffy (or, at the very least, normal if you shop in Asda) with their husbands scowling behind them and then showed pictures of the wives smiling with radiance in the clothes their husbands picked.
“This sounds fine, Katie, what’s your problem?” You’re probably saying. My problem is that the clothes men picked out where invariably too cold or too flimsy or too restrictive to actually do anything in. Yes, you might want your missus to dress like Jessica Rabbit but how’s she going to pick Daisy up from pre-school without her knockers falling out? Those platform stilettos are never going to stand up to traipsing round IKEA for a whole Saturday afternoon. Is she even going to be able to sit down in those skinny jeans?
I get that you don’t want your lady wife dressing like a Russian peasant, I really do. All I’m saying is that you need to reassess your priorities. Don’t worry, it’s not all one way: your wife needs to do some assessing of her own. Right now though, you need to decide whether you’d like to see your wife miserable as sin in a floaty summer dress and strappy sandals, shivering her arse off and whinging that her feet hurt or whether it’d be better if she stuck a cardigan and some flats on and you got on with visiting Homebase. You’re only setting yourself up for a world of pain if your wife dressed the way you thought was ideal. Be a bit more realistic. She’s a person not a photograph and you two have lives you have to get on with. Besides which, she probably hates everything you’re wearing now anyway. Stop pretending you have a clue about fashion anyway. What’s that I spy in your wardrobe? Grotty trainers, sunnies that weren’t even fashionable when you bought them and a moth eaten cagoule that smells like dog…thought so.
Next, dear wives: listen up. You’re not going to like this but I agree with the husbands. You do need to stop dressing like Russian peasants. All these saggy, long cardigans and baggy tunics have to go. However, the reason for this purge has nothing to do with men. Nothing at all. You should be doing it for yourself because no one with an ounce of self dignity should be wearing a poncho, leggings and ugg boots. You deserve not to dress like a slob. Plus it’s not just your husband that hates you dressing like that, we all do. That’s the hard part over with. The rest is just making an effort. I’m not saying give up and go to Asda dressed like a Spice Girl, I just mean stop wearing things that are shapeless. We all have to keep warm in these colder months, that’s a given but you don’t have to wear a triple XL hoodie to do that. Just layer pretty cardigans with dresses and tops. Wear lace-trimmed vests. Use scarves. Invest in tights. Live and die in knee high boots that some how look bad ass but that you’re only wearing because you can have warm, comfy socks underneath with no one seeing. It’s not rocket science.
Now, with that world wrong righted, I’m off to kick some more ass.